Laundry, Microscopic Singularities, & Cosmic Sock Dust
Have you ever wondered where those missing socks go?
In my household we have quite the plethera of white socks. Long white tube socks, low white ankle socks, white socks with pink toe stitching (mine), white socks with green toe stitching, and white socks with no toe stitching at all. Socks, socks, socks. Every laundrey basket contains plenty of dirty white socks. I gather and wash them all. I know that when I put them into the Washer that they go in pairs. I assume that when I transfer them from the Washer to the Dryer that they are still in pairs (I don't actually check this but you'll see were I'm going in a second). Why is it that when the Dryer is finished, and I reach in to retrieve the warm white socky contents, that there are always some missing?
I have a theory, albeit whimsical, but warrenting further discussion. I am convinced that within my Dryer, and in every other Dryer on the planet, whether it be in a home or Washeteria, there abides a Microscopic Wormhole, a tiny miniscule Gravitational Singularity, or in layman's terms, an itty, bitty, Black Hole. For some reason, which is beyond my comprehension, only socks will cross beyond the Event Horizon of such Singularities. The type of sock seems to vary from Dryer to Dryer. In my house only white socks are consumed with the exception of the occasional hair scunchie. Dark colored men's dress socks are perfectly safe as are all other clothing items.
Ah Hah! but where do these socks go? Even Gravitational Singularities must dump there contents somewhere! Is it on another plane of existance? Can we contact Stephen Hawking and have him work it out mathmatically? No need. I believe I already know the answer.
Where do you think the ever present dust layer that hovers on the screen of the television or computer moniter comes from. The dust that seems to reappear nanoseconds after you wipe it away with a swifter cloth. Perhaps it is the Electro-Magnetic field that persists around all Cathode Ray Tudes that attracts the terminal point of Dryer Singularities and causes them to regurgitate their material contents back onto our physical plane. Again you have a question? Why do the contents reamerge in a form different than that which first entered the Singularity? Simple! Everyone knows that the superintense gravitational forces within the Event Horizon of a Singularity are such that matter(socks) is accelerated to the point that it becomes energy (light). When the contents reamerge at the Terminal Point(near the T.V.) deceleration causes it to reform into matter. However all physical bonds are broken during the transition so we are presented with....Dust!
Federal funding should be applied for! Surely my theory should be investigated! Our government has given away money for stranger things. Millions of dollars were granted for a study on how the methane in cow farts could be contributing to Global Warming. People want to know what happens to their socks. I'm sure if calculated, we would find that Americans spend millions of dollars a year replacing missing socks. What could we do with all the money saved? We could feed the hungry! House the Homeless! (I'd probably just buy a new car, but hey, I need one) Think of the possibilities!
Oh, but I forgot. We'd have to spend millions just to do the study. Let's see...
We'd need Dryers and of course if the government is buying, the price on that $600 Maytag at Lowe's just went up to $6,000.
We'd have to do our study in real households because those wily Black Holes aren't going to appear in a lab. This means we have to hire entire families to be a part of our study, and although they've been living on $42,000 a year until now, because the government is paying, they get $142,000 a year for their time in our study.
We're going to need advanced fiber analysis to match the dust back to the missing socks. Another couple $100,000 per test.
And lets not forget, after all the data are in and we have Stephen Hawking crunch the numbers for us, we'll have to hire a Marketing Firm to do a Focus Group so that we can present our results in a way that won't offend anyone. Let's say a cool $1 million for that.
And there you have it, my theory on where the missing socks go and how we should test it.
Thanks for listening!
P.S. I threw in the Astrophysics and Economic Theory just for fun.
In my household we have quite the plethera of white socks. Long white tube socks, low white ankle socks, white socks with pink toe stitching (mine), white socks with green toe stitching, and white socks with no toe stitching at all. Socks, socks, socks. Every laundrey basket contains plenty of dirty white socks. I gather and wash them all. I know that when I put them into the Washer that they go in pairs. I assume that when I transfer them from the Washer to the Dryer that they are still in pairs (I don't actually check this but you'll see were I'm going in a second). Why is it that when the Dryer is finished, and I reach in to retrieve the warm white socky contents, that there are always some missing?
I have a theory, albeit whimsical, but warrenting further discussion. I am convinced that within my Dryer, and in every other Dryer on the planet, whether it be in a home or Washeteria, there abides a Microscopic Wormhole, a tiny miniscule Gravitational Singularity, or in layman's terms, an itty, bitty, Black Hole. For some reason, which is beyond my comprehension, only socks will cross beyond the Event Horizon of such Singularities. The type of sock seems to vary from Dryer to Dryer. In my house only white socks are consumed with the exception of the occasional hair scunchie. Dark colored men's dress socks are perfectly safe as are all other clothing items.
Ah Hah! but where do these socks go? Even Gravitational Singularities must dump there contents somewhere! Is it on another plane of existance? Can we contact Stephen Hawking and have him work it out mathmatically? No need. I believe I already know the answer.
Where do you think the ever present dust layer that hovers on the screen of the television or computer moniter comes from. The dust that seems to reappear nanoseconds after you wipe it away with a swifter cloth. Perhaps it is the Electro-Magnetic field that persists around all Cathode Ray Tudes that attracts the terminal point of Dryer Singularities and causes them to regurgitate their material contents back onto our physical plane. Again you have a question? Why do the contents reamerge in a form different than that which first entered the Singularity? Simple! Everyone knows that the superintense gravitational forces within the Event Horizon of a Singularity are such that matter(socks) is accelerated to the point that it becomes energy (light). When the contents reamerge at the Terminal Point(near the T.V.) deceleration causes it to reform into matter. However all physical bonds are broken during the transition so we are presented with....Dust!
Federal funding should be applied for! Surely my theory should be investigated! Our government has given away money for stranger things. Millions of dollars were granted for a study on how the methane in cow farts could be contributing to Global Warming. People want to know what happens to their socks. I'm sure if calculated, we would find that Americans spend millions of dollars a year replacing missing socks. What could we do with all the money saved? We could feed the hungry! House the Homeless! (I'd probably just buy a new car, but hey, I need one) Think of the possibilities!
Oh, but I forgot. We'd have to spend millions just to do the study. Let's see...
We'd need Dryers and of course if the government is buying, the price on that $600 Maytag at Lowe's just went up to $6,000.
We'd have to do our study in real households because those wily Black Holes aren't going to appear in a lab. This means we have to hire entire families to be a part of our study, and although they've been living on $42,000 a year until now, because the government is paying, they get $142,000 a year for their time in our study.
We're going to need advanced fiber analysis to match the dust back to the missing socks. Another couple $100,000 per test.
And lets not forget, after all the data are in and we have Stephen Hawking crunch the numbers for us, we'll have to hire a Marketing Firm to do a Focus Group so that we can present our results in a way that won't offend anyone. Let's say a cool $1 million for that.
And there you have it, my theory on where the missing socks go and how we should test it.
Thanks for listening!
P.S. I threw in the Astrophysics and Economic Theory just for fun.
posted by Candy at 10:43 PM
2 Comments:
By George! I think you have something, Candy! The two biggest mysteries in my home are where did the socks go and where did the dust come from? You are brilliant. Do you know how many more socks I could be on 142,000.00?!! I could even hire a maid to dust for me! Sign me up! Please!
One more question for the study... How long should we hang onto the lone socks? I have a pile that I am afraid to toss because I am sure as soon as I do, the missing counterpart will materialize. Probably because I waited so long to dust and the molecules homed in on one another to reformulate into a perfectly formed Hanes.
You have to wonder....
OH my word!! I am laughing so hard! I don't even know some of those words!!! :)
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